In this talk, I share some of the trials and triumphs on my long path toward marriage that singles can relate to. I weave into the story the friendship I had with my husband through the years and how it turned into a romance. Highlights include:

• childhood faith steps

• marriage dreams and fears

• pouring my heart out to God; Jesus pouring his promises out to me

• friendships along the way

• praising God in the painful times

• therapist failure and success

• making dreams into goals

• a match made in heaven

There are many trials for singles whose desire for marriage is unfulfilled. Below are several I’m prepared to address; I limit any one talk to five of these trials so we can take the time to go deep in analyzing them from a Biblical point of view and to give audience members a chance to self-reflect. I am happy to present on those most important for your audience or to deliver more than one presentation at an event on these topics.

Options include:

a. temptation to date someone who is not a good match for me

b. fear that God will make me live life alone

c. sexual frustration

d. temptation to ask, “What is wrong with me that I can’t find a spouse?”

e. fear that I’m running out of time to become a parent at a realistic age

f. rejection from a breakup

g. developing a resentment toward God or others for my unfulfilled dreams

h. feeling left behind while my friends and family marry and have children

i. hesitancy to turn marriage dreams into goals

j. jealousy of others’ relationships

k. not hearing God’s voice regarding my life and dreams

l. discouraging messages about my dreams from influential people

m. leaving God out of the effort

n. leaving myself out of the effort

o. pressure from others to date someone in my social circle

p. other

Googling Christian myths about dating yields several websites devoted to the subject. And each is a unique list with some overlap. The following are myths that I feel are imp0ortant to talk about together.

• Courtship is emotionally safer or holier than dating. Or, don’t date someone unless you believe you’re likely to marry the person.

• God will do 100% of the work to bring me a spouse.

• I have to be content alone before I’m ready to marry.

• If I have sex with someone, I have to marry them.

• Caring about appearance is unbiblical.

• Godly relationships don’t include conflict.

• God will always lead the man to initiate the relationship.

I have found that singles who want to marry but face year after year alone begin to wonder, “Is God calling me to be single?” They are not sure how to answer the question.

Jesus addresses the topic of choosing not to marry in Matthew 19 in a discussion with his disciples about marriage, divorce and singleness. The disciples discover that God doesn’t want men to divorce their wives. They declare that it must be better not to marry. Jesus responds by saying that not everyone can receive such a statement but only those to whom it has been given. He concludes with, “Let the one who is able to receive the message receive it.”

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul has a lot to say about marriage and singleness and clearly favors singleness over marriage. Much of what he says is referenced from the pulpit regarding the potential of marriage to interrupt a person’s devotion to pursuing the kingdom of God. But in my single years at many events for singles, I never heard anyone teach on Paul’s concluding statement, and I’m trying to fill the gap! Paul concluded the topic of electing to be single by listing in verse 37 what I dub requirements for anyone that would choose to be single:

“But the man who has:

• settled the matter in his own mind

• who is under no compulsion

• but has control over his own will

• and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin

—this man also does the right thing.”

I encourage singles to examine if they meet any of these criteria. I ask them to replace the question of “Is God calling me to be single” with the questions of “Have I made up my own mind to be single? Am I free from all temptation to make such a choice to meet anyone else’s expectations? Am I convinced that I will be able to control my will regarding this (am I able to avoid misleading others, avoid flirting, avoid sexual ploys that replace marital sex)?

My goal is to help singles replace the question, “Is God calling me to be single?” with “Have I freely made my own decision that I want to be single?”

I love presenting the logic model approach to personal goals. I believe it pleases the Lord by helping his people overcome obstacles and gain traction in moving toward his blessings.

This session teaches a concept used in the evaluation of social programs called a logic model, which is used to show the connections between resources and inputs, activities, outputs and the expected short-term and long-term outcomes. We create them by starting with asking a series of questions:

• What is the long-term goal (outcome) to be achieved?

• What short-term outcomes are needed to get to the long-term goal?

• What outputs or accomplishments are needed to get to short-term outcomes? These we make as objective as we can. Examples might be completing a course or attaining a specific set of skills.

• What activities lead to the outputs?

• What resources and/or inputs are needed for the activities to happen.

For personal logic models, I add:

• What resources did I miss in childhood or am I missing now? What activities can I do to fill the gap?

To apply this to personal logic models for believers, I begin with looking at what God’s word says about goals and freedom to pursue goals. Then I present sample logic models designed for reaching personal goals and have audience members complete a logic model for a financial, health or work goal. Then we get down to the business of relationships. Each person creates a personal logic model for reaching marriage goals. And then we share results in small groups followed by the large group.

The exercise helps people confront themselves on the disconnects between what they could be doing to reach a marriage and family goal and what they actually are doing.

We conclude by flipping the concept on its head and develop a logic model for failing to reach the long-term goal of marriage. What are the inputs, activities, outputs and short-term outcomes that lead to failure in the long-term? It’s very eye-opening to see it all on paper!

In this presentation and prayer session, I aim to help listeners apply biblical solutions to emotional pain to their past, present or future issues (we all need to be prepared to deal wisely with a broken heart).

First we look at biblical passages that deal with emotional pain and demonstrate either a believer pouring his or her heart out to God or God taking initiative to reach out to a hurting person such as:

• Hannah when she cried out to God for a child

• David when he needed forgiveness for adultery and murder

• Hagar when she was cast out from Abraham’s tribe

• Job when he suffered both emotional rejection and physical pain

• Elijah when he fled Jezebel’s threats of murdering him

We talk about many Biblical passages that tell us to pour out our hearts to God, to bring him all of our pain and disappointments.

I also present the negative ways we are tempted to react to pain and the potential consequences. We look at what it means to replace these strategies with dedicated times of praise. I share my own experience of dedicating daily time to praise God (after lunch) during a deep hurt and how God resolved it after three weeks.

We end by taking time to pray in pairs or small groups for each other, to hear God’s voice, to seek healing.

This talk asks singles to use their resources to serve other singles. What are people around them facing that they can relate to? What issues do some people face that are deeper or more difficult than their own issues? How can they help?

I share examples of people in my own experience that poured out their time and energy to serve other singles or other people in general—and the difference their efforts made in others’ lives.

We spend time identifying our own resources and gain input from others on ideas to use them for God’s kingdom.

This message is devoted to encouraging singles to give their lives fully to Jesus. This is a message that begins with what Jesus did for us on the cross but also talks specifically about how Jesus offers the best love of all as he fulfills in our lives the description of him in Isaiah 9:6,

And His name shall be called:

• Wonderful, Counselor

• The Mighty God

• The Everlasting Father

• The Prince of Peace

I share examples from the Bible and from contemporaries of testimonies where God has fulfilled his name through these characteristics. I give the audience opportunities to share their own stories and end with a prayer time followed by an “altar call.”